Mohawk

Why get a Mohawk you ask, well that is simple:
1) I've always wanted one.
2) You save money on shampoo.
3) To be more aerodynamic.
4) Because they are badass.

Who doesn't want to look like these guys.

I will be dunking with ease in no time and not to mention all of the punani I will be getting now.
Take a look for yourself.

Time

Statues.

You first have to fail in order to succeed. Failure is not an option. I guess this means I am destined for mediocrity. I'm OK with that. Maybe that's my problem.

It's not nature vs nurture and it never have been. It's nature + nurture. We are products of our environment.

Some days my life is just too real to me.

Inspiration

Feeling inspired.

So spring break is around the corner and I always make big plans for my time off and nothing ever pans out, oh well. I will just sit around my house for a week and not shower. Pretty good vacation is you ask me. Spring break is nothing special anyways (MTV lied to me). The only reason I came to college was to some day take part in one of the giant spring break parties I always watched on TV when I was younger. Oh well.

Does this shorthand symbol '@' really save time or space as opposed to writing out 'at.' I think not and for that matter neither does 'w/' as opposed to 'with.'

The other day I was walking behind this guy who actually 'stopped to look at the flowers.' I liked his attitude.

The future is now and later.

Same Song

She's not there.

Is it too late to make a New Year's Resolution?
I resolve to fuck shit up this year.

The economy is down the drain (HOPEfully this man can help). Change is scary and in five months I will be in store for a lot of change. For now I can only dream that part of that change will include owning my very own car for the very first time in my life (She will be mine). Nothing interesting has really happened in my life lately which is a good thing and a bad thing at the same time. Maybe if I use my eyebrows more exciting things will happen to me.

I really want to buy one of these.

Why am I such a pussy?

Open wide.


I enjoy the silence. I don't like confrontation. Most of the time I'm a quiet and reserved guy (especially around strangers). So the other day I was in line for the school shuttle and the line was longer than usual. There was a girl in front of me and then a group of three people (two guys and a girl) walk up and start to talk to her. They keep talking and I get the feeling that they are trying to cut in line (I should be a detective). I really want to say something but I just can't. Instead I just keep staring at them (which was pretty funny cause none of them would look at me). I don't know why but the fact that they cut really pissed me off and I hope they got what's coming to them.

Weekdays will be the death of me.

Important message.

Rules are rules.

The NBA, where this happens.




I wish had a time machine. With this time machine, I would not go into the past because who knows what would happen. Instead, I would go into the future and make sure I lived a long and full life. I would also use it to cheat at sports gambling.


Got to hit the books and prepare for my future career in unemployment.

Schoolin'

Take a trip.

I don't think I will ever climb Mount Everest or go into outer space or be famous (like these Jackasses ), but none of that really matters. I can only be myself. Who is that you ask? (even if you didn't ask I am gonna tell you). I think. I feel. I dream. I wish. I create. I dance (poorly). I try. I speak. I listen. I watch. I learn. I don't think I can be much more vague than that. Here is something that I have learned: Life is good. I can't complain about my life because I know there are a million people out there that have it a thousand times worse than I do. I personally know lots of people that have had hard lives and they don't bitch and moan about how their life sucks, because there are millions of other people that never even got the opportunity to have a shitty life.

In my short life I haven't seen or experienced that many things but I think I have my head on pretty straight and its pointed in the right direction. I can only live life and hope for the best. (Don't worry my next blog will be filled with even more cliches).

New Year. Same Dirty.

History lesson....

Question?

Five ways to go down in history:
1. Assassinate someone.
2. Become the first non-white President of the US.
3. Dream big.
4. Throw your shoes at George Bush.
5. Score 100 points in one game and sleep with over 20,000 women. This guy did it.

I wonder if I could get a full-time job as a game show contestant.

This just in: Hitler is rated PG-13.

True Story

So just a few hours ago, I was sitting on the sofa watching TV (one of my many talents) and I hear the doorbell ring. So I get up and answer the door and some guy is standing there. He was wearing jeans and an Ed Hardy shirt (I hate those) and he had a black eye and a tattoo on his forearm. So I think to myself, "who is this jerkoff?" Then he starts to speak about how he's running for some community thing and he is trying to get votes, and the whole point of it is to get over his fear of talking to people. Then I ask how I vote and he says "it's a vote of confidence" (wtf?) and he pulls out a brochure of magazines that I can buy and I say no thanks. Then he asks me if I want to donate money to help children get books (I think that's what he said. I stopped listening once he pulled out the magazine brochure). After that he asks me if I do drugs and if I would do some with him (of course I have to supply the drugs). Then he punched me in the face, took my wallet, and ran away.

That last sentence was a lie but the rest of it was true. I wonder what he told the neighbors? At least he was more entertaining then those other people that just say they are selling magazines to raise money for ________ (insert generic organization). In conclusion, even though this guy was completely full of crap I still found him quite amusing.

How you like them apples?

Droppin' Bombs

Yo te quiero infinito.

So I've heard some complaints from those of you that read this blog (all 4 of you) about the posts or lack thereof. In an effort to write more interesting and informative (why are you looking here for information in the first place) blogs, I will indulge you in the adventures I have on a daily basis (here's a sneak peek). I really didn't want this blog to get personal, but what other choice do I have (I could write about gibbons). So in future posts be prepared to have your mind blown away by the most outlandish, unbelievable, indescribable, jaw-dropping, true stories from the life of Dirty Dan (most of it will be lies).

Five things that annoy me:
1. How my boxers bunch up when I put on pants.
2. Crying babies.
3. Inconsiderate people.
4. How I have to raise the volume on the TV all the way just to hear Rocky speak and then it cuts to commercial and the sound hurts my ears cause it's so loud.
5. Assholes.


"Ding Ding."

I have all the answers.

It's just one of those days.

Life doesn't get easier, we just get better at convincing ourselves that it does.

I wish I could do a back flip or dunk a basketball. I walk around all day wearing my ipod (so my life has a soundtrack). This is my idea of fashion.

May advice will save your life.

What would you do with a giraffe?

Your welcome. I wish I were a monkey, then I could just throw my crap at people who annoy me.

I wonder if I can take a punch. Sometimes I just want someone to punch me in the face to see how it feels.

Wouldn't it suck to have schizophrenia.

Some people never cease to amaze me. While others never cease to disgust me.

Wow the economy is in the toilet.

Things to consider as you try and cope with your lowly existence.

My life could be worse...

I could be you. I am just a lost soul swimming in a fish bowl. Smurfette. Every living creature on earth dies alone. You need to watch Donnie Darko.

Some things to consider while you try and get on with your day.

Blog Blog Blog

What's the point of a blog anyways (to meet girls?). Some people bear their souls in a blog where anyone can read it (even psychos with internet), others write what they do everyday (like anyone cares), and others have nothing better to do (don't judge me). I just find it fascinating that people have no problem telling the world all their personal problems and struggles (the internet is my only friend).

Do: Talk to strangers or else you won't meet anyone new.

Don't: Listen to me. I don't know what I'm talking about.