History lesson....

Question?

Five ways to go down in history:
1. Assassinate someone.
2. Become the first non-white President of the US.
3. Dream big.
4. Throw your shoes at George Bush.
5. Score 100 points in one game and sleep with over 20,000 women. This guy did it.

I wonder if I could get a full-time job as a game show contestant.

This just in: Hitler is rated PG-13.

True Story

So just a few hours ago, I was sitting on the sofa watching TV (one of my many talents) and I hear the doorbell ring. So I get up and answer the door and some guy is standing there. He was wearing jeans and an Ed Hardy shirt (I hate those) and he had a black eye and a tattoo on his forearm. So I think to myself, "who is this jerkoff?" Then he starts to speak about how he's running for some community thing and he is trying to get votes, and the whole point of it is to get over his fear of talking to people. Then I ask how I vote and he says "it's a vote of confidence" (wtf?) and he pulls out a brochure of magazines that I can buy and I say no thanks. Then he asks me if I want to donate money to help children get books (I think that's what he said. I stopped listening once he pulled out the magazine brochure). After that he asks me if I do drugs and if I would do some with him (of course I have to supply the drugs). Then he punched me in the face, took my wallet, and ran away.

That last sentence was a lie but the rest of it was true. I wonder what he told the neighbors? At least he was more entertaining then those other people that just say they are selling magazines to raise money for ________ (insert generic organization). In conclusion, even though this guy was completely full of crap I still found him quite amusing.

How you like them apples?